Family Stories

I was chatting with Grout Daddy and we started talking about some funny experiences that we've had together. I think I'd like to share some family stories with you guys. You might have heard these before but I can still giggle at the thought of them.

I'm going to start off with my own humiliation...


The Turkey Story

Notorious throughout my family. You'd hear it at the dinner table every time I brought home a friend or a new boyfriend. Or maybe everyone will tell it to each other because for some reason, they all find it hilarious. Eventually they'll tell my children and their cousins...

When I was 8 or 9 years old, we went to visit my grandparents up in Pensacola. They own 8 acres, most of the land was used for their business and the rest was crops and a little mini farm. They had bunnies, chickens and turkey. Have you ever seen a turkey up close? They are not pretty animals to say the least.... We just got back from dinner and I was so excited to go see the bunnies. What 8 or 9 year old girl can resist snuggling a little fuzzy bunny? So I open the cage, pet the bunnies and I'm loving it. I'm having a great time. Just petting a bunny and enjoying life.

I don't remember what set me off or caused me to look up but I raised my eyes and came face to face with a full grown turkey! Before I continue, have you ever heard a turkey gobble? It's sounds like you're trying to strangle a goose or a duck and it's LOUD. They also do a head bobble that's creepy. So I'm face to face with this beast, six inches from my face and it started gobbling at me. Well yeah, heck yeah, I screamed like the little girl I was and began my retreat. One fumbling step backwards and I tripped and fell.... into a trough of dirty, moldy, rain water, chicken feces and dirt.

Everyone else found this SOOOO funny. Not to mention that I cut the back of my leg and it didn't heal for over a month, or that I didn't have any extra pants at my grandparents house and had to wear a towel around my waist for the rest of the visit and now I have the wonderful experience of hearing/telling the story almost anytime I come home to visit.

P.S. Thanksgiving sucks!


Little Bro and the Greasy Pepsi

I don't know if I'm the only one that remembers it besides the poor kid that it happened to. Maybe I'm a heartless jerk because to this day it still makes me laugh. A summer or two after the infamous day of turkey, we went camping as a family. We used to have so much fun on those trips. Swimming, playing and lighting campfires with the "dragon breath". The scent of bug repellent always sends me back.

My father had cooked what I am assuming is bacon but, it could have been some other kind of greasy meat. He didn't want to spill the grease on the ground so he put it in an empty can. It sat there for a while.... and along Little Bro, a sweet, innocent kid on a hot day. Buzzed head and missing some teeth, he spies a can of Pepsi. We weren't really supposed to drink those sodas but he went for a quick sip anyway and got a mouth full of animal fat. The face he made was priceless and I'm not even going to attempt to describe it, he spit it out and turned a lovely shade of red. I made sure to check all of my sodas for the next 10 years.

Grout Guy and his Tiny T-Shirt

Grout Daddy owns a small business called the Grout Guys. Part of his job is to go do estimates. I really respect the fact that he can go to strangers houses to do this. I'm not a really nervous person but that's scary now and people are insane. However, sometimes I feel for the person on the receiving end. One morning Grout Guy went to his first estimate, he had to rush out of the house because SuperDestoyer was still reasonably young and he was letting me sleep. He had everything he needs including his extra tee shirt (it drives me nuts that he must wear two shirts at all times), but he didn't put the second shirt immediately like usual. After getting to the customers house, he grabs his book, puts his hat on backwards and heads to the front door. This poor woman opens her door to a 6'8", lanky, baby-faced man wearing a tiny tee shirt. A shirt that is probably 10 years old and says "Blunting Your Way Through College, One Blunt at a Time", a shirt that is so short on him that it shows all of the visible boxers and a little patch of tummy skin and where the sleeves are so short they only cover deltoids. Did I mention that he has almost an inability to tan? Then she hears his abnormally deep voice say "Hi, I'm with the Grout Guys."

Stay tuned for a possible part 2 of this blog....